Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I feel summer creeping in....

Damn. I haven't worked that long in forever. Well, scratch that. I haven't stayed at work past seven o'clock in forever. Regardless, I feel good about it. I've felt like I'm seen as a slacker at work because I never stay late and I never come in to work for other people. But when I'm there, I bust my butt; no one ever sees it though. It must stem from my inability to give myself praise or credit, but I don't think I'll ever be good enough for anybody or at anything. Which leads me to my next paragraph....

The Q is, and this doesn't do her justice, the most fantastic, wonderful, classy, beautiful girl I have ever had the honor of dating. She does so much for me; things I would never expect a significant other, especially so early in a relationship, to do. And yet, I never feel like I return the sentiment. Sure, I go out to the horse farm and help clean stalls, feed, clean, etc. But I love doing it, and it just seems like what anyone else in my position would do so it never feels like I'm going above and beyond like I believe she deserves. Perhaps I feel this way because we spend a lot of time together sleeping. When I'm at work with all the time in the world to thing, my mind plays scenarios of ending the relationship because she's frustrated with me. It's funny that I'm writing this blog like she's not reading it; quite the contrary.

Forgive me. I don't mean to write about you like you don't exist, darlin'. I'm very tired and that makes it tough to put my thoughts together the way I'd like them to be.

Down to my last cigarette with no where to go...

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