For some reason, I can't seem to get anything done at work. For the past four work nights, things have been so fucked up at work that I have consistently not been able to get jobs done on time for the morning. As much as I'd like to believe it isn't my fault and as much as people even TELL me it's not my fault, I can't help but think that somehow if I would have done something differently, everything would have been done on time. It's extremely frustrating to have my managers come in in the morning and be pissed that jobs aren't finished. I just wish I could figure out what in god's name I'm doing wrong and fix it.
As if that weren't enough, I was unexplainably depressed for most of my weekend and even managed to have a panic attack on Friday that ended up with me walking ten miles in sandals. I have yet to recover and don't really feel like I will for a while. My life feels like it's coming apart at the seems and while I run around trying to re-stitch parts of it back together, other parts come further undone.
On the bright side of things, I finally managed to get my apartment arranged the way that I've wanted it. On the whole, I feel more settled and it has helped me to regain a little bit of groundedness and sanity. Corley helped with that and I am tremendously thankful.
I know I promised at the outset of this blog that I wouldn't write sappy, depressed shit, but it's all stuff that I really need to get out of my head and onto paper or in this case screen. So in other words, I'm sorry. Thankfully, there's only like three people that read this so I'm not offending too many people.
Gunpowder, Gelatin, Dynamite with a laser beam.